a friday, in the life of this ‘techie’…

Three successive deep breaths.
Five seconds fluttering my eyelashes.

No.
This was not a flirtatious advance directed at the object of my desire. Although, quite honestly speaking, are we still trained to flutter our eyelashes as Betty Boop trained us; compared to the trendy sub-tweet directed at hashtag oomf?

No.
It was a successful attempt to slow my heart rate. To keep my slowly simmering emotions in check. You know, akin to opening the saucepan cover to keep the milk from spilling into the sigiri; an action that would have left the entire house reeking of burned milk.

I’d thought about running to the toilet, also known as, the throne room of all things private… Except when it came to acoustics, muffled cries are one thing, muffled farts – a whole other ball game.

No.
Surprisingly, I was on a troubleshooting streak and couldn’t afford to step away from my task. Yet, in that moment, my entire being was awash and painfully aware of the absence of my dad.

No.
He didn’t just pass away, so this is not a fresh wound. It’s been 3 years and 3 months and I think I have been doing well so far. Well not I alone. I think my family has been doing well with his absence. My immediate family and our greater family.

No.
This is not a rookie coming face to face with the shapeless shifting wraith named Grief. When you master the art of waking up, you begin to comprehend that corny adage: take one day at a time.

I already took the day and woke up. I should be over this. I should be past this. Instead 3 years in, I am still having moments. Worse still – in public type of moments.

Something had just happened; my personal life was beginning to leak into my professional life. There I was, silently trying to draw deep breath without breaking the train of thought my troubleshooting task needed. For all of fifty seconds, the energy was sapped right out of me. I was tired. Tired, when I could not afford to be tired.

In a cosmic attempt to authenticate her existence, Fate shook her tail feather at me, almost as if it was 2003 again. I was one of the lucky winners of the Father’s day competition. Why is it Father’s though? Is there one Father who owns the day? If not, should it not then be Fathers’, representing the Fathers everywhere owning the day? Or is Father actually in plural already?

Still, this is not what brought on the brimming of salted liquid.

Actually, what did is inconsequential when compared to the lesson that I have learned as result of the entire episode. They say, a parent should never bury their child, again who comes up with these adages?

I have learned of a hidden response from the child who buries a parent; naturally the departure causes a void that needs to be filled. And, who else but a grieving child to assume the responsibility and attempt to fill this void. With a brave face, they drudge on, propelling themselves into an unintended destiny.

No.
Not for me.
Not for us.

To the one who has dealt with the loss of a parent.
To the one that is filled with the burden of protecting the one you have left.
To the one wandering helplessly in the wilderness of an unintended destiny.

stop.
take a knee.
and pray for strength.
gasp out loud and let the tears roll.
then stand up and keep walking, it may have been unintended, but I heard a rumor… Something about all things. I am guessing that all means all…

Some promises are worth holding onto, with all that you are!

Yes.
This is for me.
This is for us.

rom828

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The Unknown Plague

Aya! I am still here. I am still alive. I am still on a high. Haha, Yes – seems I have still got that indescribable ish scribbled all over my soul.
(Did you see what I did there with the bibls? ).

Okay, Kirabo – Focus!

Have you heard of the graph effect?

Social_Network_Analysis_Visualization

That visualization is basically how people in the behind the scenes describe a Social Network. You are connected to one person, who is connected to someone else, who you now become connected to through that one person? Makes sense?

Well, this is also how my brain works (weirdo alert). Where the data points are significant events and whenever I look back they are all connected. This perception has seeped into my storytelling – both vocal and written.

Telling a story is hard, because I feel I need to first catch you up on the background of events… Now, the absolutely utterly incredible thing is… My attention span is weak and needs to actively be restarted.

No. Seriously, I zone out a LOT!! I am actually thinking of playing chess again to exercise that attention muscle. (Do you play chess? I am interested in playing – online or at a meet).

Back to the looking-back-and-connect-the-dots effect, I find myself taken back whenever I am faced with the question of ‘what next?‘ It doesn’t matter the context – work, church, personally, food (Bwahaha, I lie! I have a food plan!).

I looove to be prepared, but I have learned that my preparation, often makes God look at me and smile, probably saying, ‘Aww… how cute.’ Our dots are often so far from each other that I am slowly learning to just let go of the reigns more and more every day. That is why that question is so hard for me…

I am often fond of saying, ‘Lol! Honestly, I do not know. I wish I did, but I don’t’

What is next in my career?
What is next in my life now that I have hit that earth shattering age in which universes collide leading to fragmented thinking (Tihihihi, I exaggerate – deal with it, hun)?
What is next now that my nephew looks sooooooo cute?
What is next now that le former crush knows that he was once le crush – apparently this is the way to effectively rid yourself of the crush. So brutal mehn, but very effective.

I have gone on a rabbit trail, haven’t I?

I have hopes about the ‘what nexts’, I have fears about the ‘what nexts’ but the truth is my look-back-and-connect-the-dots view has not only made my conversation skills awkward (like a geek needs more social ineptness) but it has also brought to the forefront that fact that an intricate thread does exist.

A thread that tells of the faithfulness of a strategic commander-in-chief whose infinite wisdom has saved me from the brink of sudden destruction and distraction. Who has commanded the massive angelic army to come to my aide as I lay puddled on the floor. By whose word, life springs forth and yet sends me a gentle whisper every morning to wake me.

Yet, on this 19th day of this beautiful month, I feel that I have let him down. I have found myself lost in the busyness and excitement of my life that I have forgotten who has tenderly courted and danced with me in the stillness of the night.

With a lump in my throat, I pledge to return: to the heart that has consistently sought me out of the mire that is sometimes used to describe my existence.

I am yours, Abba.
Help me maintain!


Cetsusie

*Images source: Google Images*

Birthday. Birthday. Birthdaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!

April. April. April. April is hereeeeee!!!

Aside from the fact that April is basically when Spring begins to show properly; from the first colourful blooms that shoot out, giving life to the tree and the street that was previously nothing but a white slate… Why wouldn’t you love, April?!

Not close enough to home for you? Okay, How about a blissful break to the heat wave that fried those of us close to the equator? The phone reminder to carry a jacket because the sun is needed else where?

Stillllllllll not close enough for Kirabo! Okay!!! How about it is her BIRTHday!!!

Dancing to Kanda Bongoman's kwasa Kwasa (I wasn't always a two stepper)
Dancing to Kanda Bongoman’s kwasa Kwasa (I wasn’t always a two stepper)

Yes and I am so excited, you would think this is my first birthday! Well, technically, I have been on a high since April 1 (no joke or pun intended *giggles*).

One this day, back in 1986 at the National referral hospital on a Friday evening, I belted out what according to my mum was the first of many incessant cries. Mbu I liked to cry, it was a hobby – I heard the stories of how they made me sleep… Hmph! Heneway… Moving on.

What What!
The hair! What? What!!

Reflection time… For the first time, in 10 years – I realise that I was never old. No seriously. I just realised that for all that feeling that I was old, or the that ‘old’ feeling that comes when the burden of responsibility bears down on you – I really wasn’t old. Gah! So what did I do yesterday, I bought me one Fiesta – Caramel with nuts (Ice Cream on a stick) and one Cornet (Ice Cream in a cone) and walked home while I ate them… (Walking home from Church used to be a thing – I am bringing it back. Tehehe…)

But I gotta say, when I look back honestly speaking, the last 10 years have been something else – an epic adventure on the roller coaster called life. The challenge for me now is trying to remember all the high and low lights, the in betweens and the seemingly small and not so insignificant.

By an insane miracle of God, I got two degrees – one. two. By another even greater miracle I am actually practising what I studied in both degrees. Education was always important to my family, Kirabo – on the other hand… (to be completed on a coffee chat). I have been in study groups on both occasion with some of the most brilliant minds, I have ever encountered.

IMG_5096

I lived and worked on two continents and in 4 different timezones. I froze my toes off in one of those places. I put my feet in the Pacific and also trekked from Upper Hill to Nairobi CBD. I have worked for some pretty sick organisations and I am currently employed by one that I think takes the cup!

IMG_6656
Santa Monica Pier, LA

I have been a part of ministry in 5 different Churches here, two of which I am still actively involved in. We went ko for Mango Tree Revival – P.U.S.H. (I wonder if this still happens on Campus). I sang in a mass choir. Yes. Benny Hinn Mass Choir. I was a cell intern who boycotted becoming a leader – or did I? I danced at Prime Time

I have had the privilege of being called many things, some derogatory even – there is two sides to this one: the – Why would someone call you that? What about you made them get to that point of calling you that? Were they justified in their judgement of you? Okay, maybe those are three sides. Tehehe… No, passing judgement is not acceptable, however, if you are ever on the other side – maybe consider these before you banish them to life in the outer realms of your universe. But on the flip side, I have lived to see some words of blessing and prophecy come to pass. I have had way too many Serah moments.

This one made me smile, I have had acquaintances who have turned into friends into family – like seriously, A’bemikwano – you know uwaseleves! Then also had the reverse happen as well, friends who turn into acquaintances. I have broken hearts (this is beyond dating relationships – sometimes we say things to our friends that break them), had mine broken as well. I have made so many friends, so many – for an antisocial melancholic, anyway.

On the heart note, Oh Lord, I crushed on a fellow who was light years out of my reach. Tehehe… Make that two! Eons of light years… I think you get the point.

**sigh**
**sigh** …judging me is useless!!

I have been rock climbing in Kalagi (After Gayaza). Yes, Going up seemed hard until I had to come down. Tehehe… My friends were there for a while, coaxing me to let go of the rock. I went rafting on the Nile… Oh Jesus… You made Water. Eh! I saw my life going… End credits rolling with ZERO hope of an after credits scene!!

I have had the privilege of watching several of my friends grow in their passion and start companies that are defining and redefining industries! I had a taste of entrepreneurship myself and maybe one day I shall return to it. I went for my first ever novel writing class.

I have had dreams. I have watched some of them grow and die. I have watched others grow and bloom into crazy things. I have loads of others that just seem misplaced…

One other thing… I happened to lose my GrandPa and My Dad, in the space of several months. You see, daddy was the other reason that April was special. He was born on the 26th of April. (If this is your first time here, then a quick catchup on why my dad is important can be found here and here). April was our month! However, in 2013, that changed. I also love the number four, because I was born on the fourth day of the fourth month (**smiles** at the random coincidence of the other four that just popped into my head). Sadly, he died on the fourth of February. I remember thinking, Why? Professing the way I will never again love these things. But God has a unique way of using mercy, time, grace and love… Now, 3 years later, I am more excited than I ever remember being.

hny
Happy New Year ’92, avec my Daddy and my sister!

I should close this before the word count hits 1000. I have become verbose in my old age. I am watching the rain through my office window, while listening to Florocka and simply excited. Rain is a blessing and since I love rain, I should like to bless you – whoever has read up to this point

May the God that I worship reveal himself a new in your life. May He shower you with his blessing and his favour. May He hide you in the shelter of his wing. May you walk with confidence and your head lifted high – knowing that the one who walks with you is much more fierce than you can ever imagine. May your story be one that inspires generations to come. May God ignite your passion and may you live to see their impact! May his mercy and love never leave you and May you always be found in the shelter of his love!

Amen!!

Now back to businesssss!!!
It is my birthdayyyyyyyyy!!!!!

IMG_7918


2OHLe

 

Did they hear the shot?

Two shots were fired last night,
two shots echoed in the hills last night.

The first one – very loud and resounding,
brought me to a stop.
My ears were trying to adjust to the environment,
my brain trying to decipher the sound.

I can hear prayer utterance in the night,
the Church next door is having an overnight.
Did they hear the shot?

Another one rings through the night,
bouncing off the hills again.
The second one is not as loud,
but definitely close by.

What do I do?

What do you do when you hear shots in your neighborhood?
Years ago, there used to be patrols in the neighborhoods,
do they still do so? Did they hear the shot?
I saw an army patrol group walking near-by one time,
Did they hear the shot?

The phone rang,
it is the guy who helps with the garden.
A shop in the trading centre was robbed,
someone has been killed.

9pm.
It was 9pm.
How many of us get home after 9pm?
How many of us walk home after 9pm?

I am scared,
I will not lie.
I do not feel safe,
honestly, would you?

Oh Uganda,
may God uphold thee…

Day 3 … [3-Day Quote Challenge]

I woke up gasping today,
Quite literally, I might add.
As I stumbled to the toilet,
I noticed something rather peculiar.
A cold sensation was rushing through,
My arms and legs were teetering toward numb.

When I finally did wake,
and take a shower – because that is what we must do.
I noticed something rather peculiar,
As I dressed up my pores were suddenly oozing.
Profusely sweating,
despite the cold pre-dawn breeze.

And yet in spite of this and more,
I am certain of this…

all

Because,
The truth is…

nothing

Nothing,
Means Nothing.
Therefore…

ican

I can. I will.

christ-all-things

 

 

Ps. 21 – Modified

This girl rejoices in your strength, LORD.
How great is her joy in the victories you give!

You have granted her her heart’s desire
and have not withheld the request of her lips.
You cam to greet her with rich blessings
and placed a crown of pure gold on her head.
She asked you for life and you gave it to her _
length of days for ever and ever.
Through the victories you gave, her glory is great;
you have bestowed on her splendour and majesty.
Surely you have granted her unending blessings
and made her glad with the joy of your presence.
For this girl trusts in the LORD;
through the unfailing love of the Most High
she will not be shaken.

Your hand will lay hold on all my enemies;
your right hand will seize my foes.
When you appear for battle,
you will burn them up as in a blazing furnace.
The LORD will swallow them up in his wrath,
and his fire will consume them.
You will destroy their descendants from the earth,
their posterity from mankind.
Though they plot evil against me
and devise wicked schemes, they cannot succeed.
You will make them turn their backs
when you aim at them with drawn bow.

Be exalted in your strength, LORD;
we will sing and praise your might.