The edge of the bin

tell me,
am i wicked?

is it my recklessness that you shun?
is it my wickedness that makes me so unbecoming?

tell me,
am i wicked?

does the stench i exude alert you of my presence?
does my aura reek of rot and despair?

won’t you tell me,
am i wicked?

for my cravings have found themselves at the bottom pile of your priorities.
priorities? why must i continue in this naivety?
for even priorities, have some esteem attached to them.

no. my cravings have found themselves torn and crumbled,
tossed over your shoulder.

for a second, they teeter – on the edge of the bin,
almost as if – in one final desperate attempt to refuse their fate,
but even a second comes to an end,
dejected, the fall…

to where they belong.
to where they must remain.

tell me,
am i wicked?

***

Inspired by:

…but he refuses to satisfy the craving of the wicked.
– Prov 10:3


For the love of Calvin & Hobbes…contact

** Images source: Google Images

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#UgBlogWeek (Day 5): _______________________

Some days I think that God deserves a round of applause. Lol. Yes. I am a bit loco like that. Everything that he does or ‘allows to happen‘ (<– I have just learned that ka one) is intricately planned.

God

Around midway last month, I got the strangest urge about the month of October. *hides face* I get those a lot. Strange urges. I once described them as spooky to a friend – she didn’t like it much. Never mentioned it again. About this urge – that used to be called spooky, it was a feeling that never left. Kept coming back. A feeling. Oba a knowing and what was it?

October is going to be hard-ish

So what did I do with this information? I went on a 7-day fast for the month of October. Prayed and believed and bound whatever would be tiring me. This is what I have picked up along my journey. This is the ‘normal’ reaction.

It’s 22nd October and I gotta say, the last 8 days have been hard and I mean hard. Just Wednesday’s post alone, left me both physically and emotionally drained at 11am – Iwe mwa, ya donno!

This led me to the question, was my reaction wrong? Like what was supposed to be my reaction? Is one reaction supposed to work in all situations? That is the question isn’t. Because if my reaction was the right one, that would mean that my Abba did not answer my prayer. Oba his answer was no. Ohh.. I don’t like the thought of that last one – God saying no. Eish!

Hmm… What if in addition to the prayer (because prayer is really important), I had rearranged my days? What if I had not over committed? What if I had chosen to sleep early, instead of trolling #UgBlogWeek for socks all night (Guilty, as heck on this one)?

I guess what I am ineloquently trying to say is most times one shoe doesn’t fit all. We serve an amazingly creative God but my mind boogles at how we are so quick to forget that little fact. Tehehe, the Bible itself describes the ‘creatures’ in heaven and you are like:

Ekiki?? What do you mean eyes all over the wings.

(Revelation 4:8 and also Ezekiel 10:12)

Even this one is in the Bible...
Even this one is in the Bible: A Leviathan.

May we live life in abundant expectation of the unexplainable, but also have the innate wisdom to apply it correctly, especially in our ordinary days.

What I Meant To Say

Yesterday, I went off on some what if a tangent… Lol! But I find that these things almost always happen when I write – I start out meaning to say one thing but end up pouring out myself on something completely different! Almost as if, my brain sends out a signal saying, “Just get her to the compose page, we’ll do the rest!”

I am still in the Psalms, but what I meant to say was that I marvel at David’s vivid imagination. Today, I think that because of all the sci-fi, I have watched – some things I read and I can totally see… But what cinematic background did David have? Teheheh.

“Then the earth quaked and trembled. The foundations of the mountains shook; they quaked because of his anger. Smoke poured from his nostrils; fierce flames leaped from his mouth. Glowing coals blazed forth from him. He opened the heavens and came down; dark storm clouds were beneath his feet. Mounted on a mighty angelic being, he flew, soaring on the wings of the wind. He shrouded himself in darkness, veiling his approach with dark rain clouds. Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him and rained down hail and burning coals. The LORD thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded amid the hail and burning coals.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭18:7-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

http://bible.com/116/psa.18.7-13.nlt

Context: God is leaving heaven to rescue him…

*Wait* What?

God, this Old Testament God, the one people say is famous for annihilation – and now he is on his way to help David. With smoke pouring out of his nose, and fierce flames from his mouth!

*rewinding halting tape sound*

When God was editing the Bible how did all this pass him by? I mean, does he like this description? Is this an accurate description of who he is? Or maybe this is just David’s interpretation of what this God, whom he believed loved him so much, that he would leave his throne – in heaven – like those ends, past the milky way – beyond the galaxies that are light years away, and show up just to save him. And like who is he? In later chapters, David calls himself a worm – not a man.

So have you pictured it? God is on his way to save the worm. Oh man! This is amazing stuff!!

Meanwhile, “He shrouds himself in darkness to veil his approach…” *insert wide-eyed, shocked emoticon here*. My highly religious self would go – “What, God no come in darkness, what is wrong wid dis writer?”

But I see his point, as clear as I do daylight, it would be of tactical advantage to hide his approach to surprise his enemy! Right? That is what I would do. That is what David would have done.

*smiles* Get it?

But he doesn’t need to do what we would have done… Tehehe, He is God. Like G.O.D.

“He can burst forth, descending with sun under his feet and the moon in his right hand. Surrounded by billowing clouds that are magnifying the brightness that surrounds him!”

OR

“He can skate in on a rainbow doing an amazing flip just as he comes to a halt in front of my enemy. Lightening bolts in his left hand and roars of thunder coming forth from his mouth”

OR

“He can from the heavenly war room, pull up the interface, connecting to the database, with a list of all earthly beings, right click on the table labeled, ‘her_enemies’ – and type: DROP TABLE her_enemies;”

OR

“He can gently nudge, every day – whispering ever so slightly – that only those who are looking and listening can hear.”

Hahaha! I am so off the tangent, but who cares – we all know, that the last one is more likely to happen. But He is GOD – anything is possible.

Never forget that…

The Psalms! What a mystery…

Currently in GodIs, I am in the Book of Psalms. 

Quick Recap: ‘GodIs’ is a Bible dissection that a group of friends and I are doing. We basically read two chapters a day and discover who God is according to scripture. Some times we get it, other times we are left thinking, “huh?”

So, like I was saying – I am in Psalms, this is one of the books that I am beginning to realize I am epically guilty of misquoting! It never really sank in unto now that ‘most’ of the Psalms are David’s personal journal. They are his point of view on who God is. 

This guy, David was devoted to God. Like what! You know how close you are to your skin, this is what kind of relationship they had. David deserves his own post… 

Today it hit me as I read Psalms 18 – we have the privilege of reading the psalms before the Bathsheba plot and after. Did he change? Like we might have ventured to call him a hypocrite had he lived in our today. Lol! I mean, the way he goes on and on about God and then turns around and starts singing, “hey, sexy lady – I like the way you bathe…”

Actually, if he was in the Church today, he would have been “punished”. Alter confessions, should he have chosen to submit. Pointy fingers. Congregations separate as half go on his side and the other half give him the side eye. 

The truth is God never let him get away with it – don’t be fooled, God is not blind. He called David out, kabisa! Complete with consequences that resulted. 

But David’s response is recorded in the Bible. The Psalm that he wrote in response to that and those that resulted after that, psalms we so often quote out of context. 

Today, we would begin to try and ponder this, but my mind would quickly brush it off as “ah, grace. That is God’s grace.”

But what is this Grace thing? Urgh!! Why do I wrestle with its misuse. Like can you understand the gravity of this thing? 

An adulterer, helped write those morning devotions that you pop in with God, once a while. But he repented you say, he asked for forgiveness – To which I respond, the brother’s work is in the Bible! The Holy Book. The God Love Letter. 

Do you see the magnitude now? 

Yet, if he were here today…. There is no place in a lot of Churches for his kind. Heck, we have certain pre-requisites for being being a Christian let alone a person who works in the Church. 

Folly! It is all Folly. We are all guilty. We have all missed the mark. Yet we still breathe and make the same mistakes over and over again! Now tell me about grace. 

God allowed the preadulterer, adulterer and post adulterer to be included in the Holy Scriptures. 

Our rules are pathetic and that is just putting it mildly! 

Good or God #1

I have always loved the unique perspective that John Bevere uses when he rights! He always seems to flip what you thought you knew upside down and leave you hungry for God. Hungry for knowing more of God. Hungry for more of God. Yet when I say it like that – I feel like I am not doing him justice in describing the state in which his books leave me in! 

In this particular book, he mentions a well known celebrity who passed away and their death was a public sensation – the world came together and mourned. I remember the mourning I came home I the living room to find my dad watching  he news – he too was shocked. We were sad. The world was sad. 

John mentions a conversation he had with God during that time – when he found out. You know those times when we wrestle with what just happened, when we cannot seem to reconcile what has happened with our perception of who think God is. 

From his conversation with God, this stabbed me deep, God said, 

“she flaunted her defiance to authority and her adultery to the world – she was not submitted to me”. 

I was shocked. Maybe God didn’t know. Maybe he didn’t understand. She was justified in my eyes. She had been justified for years. I gobbled the media reports at the time, I watched every movie made in her honor. 

I took her side. 

Why didn’t God get it? This person was good. In fact they were amazing. Who did he think he was not to think so?!! 

….

BP #1: Caiaphus

I started watching A.D. The Bible Continues, with a little bit of apprehension. There are a lot of movies about the Bible, but some completely veer off the the original story. Like completely, now here was a series… So I watched with one eye closed and one finger on the exit button.

Much to my delight, I have since been intrigued by it. Yes, may be the plot has been altered by way of adding fillers inbetween different texts, but I cannot help now but wonder about the original characters from the Bible.

One case in point is Caiaphus, he was the high priest at the time of the crucifixion. The Hight Priest. This means, he interceded for the people. He was also allowed to enter the holy place and make sacrifices on behalf of the people of God. The brother with a direct line to GOD.

Suffice it to say, this was one powerful individual.

And yet, he called out for Barabas. He crucified the son of God with so much conviction about him being blasphemous. Like he was so totally and also convinced? But why? And don’t tell me the devil jazz, because, guys this was the high priest. He was totally sold out for, let’s kill this Jew.

I wonder if he doubted. I wonder if somewhere deep down inside he wondered at the possibility of Jesus being who he said he was. I wonder! I just WONDER!!! No seriously, this guy should have been in the mix yet he wasn’t. He should have recognized Jesus, yet he didn’t.

Gosh, even after the death and resurrection! Friends, the brother still jam.

What terrifies me oh so much is our propensity to get things wrong and to be so stuck in our wrong jazz, that we blindly grope around in our spirits, while our physical form appears to be the aura of righteousness.

#myMindHasBeenSuccessfullyBoggled!

Bible Study: to do greater.

So I am doing this Bible study and it is surrounding Prophets and God speaking, right? Actually, that should be another post all together. For this post however, I would like to relieve my brain, because I seem to be overloading on a small tiny little fact:

“You will be greater”

Bare with me as I attempt to organize my thoughts here. Let me start at the beginning – a very good place to start 😀

God showed up at Sinai, but the people were too terrified. His presence was not something they wanted to comprehend out of fear that they would die. So they did what any good human being would do, they asked for a mediator – Don’t let us deal directly with him. You, Moses, go speak for us and tell us what he says. (I wrote about that here).

15 Moses continued, “The lord your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your fellow Israelites. You must listen to him. 16 For this is what you yourselves requested of the lord your God when you were assembled at Mount Sinai. You said, ‘Don’t let us hear the voice of the lord our God anymore or see this blazing fire, for we will die.’ (Deut 18)

We start with Moses:

10 There has never been another prophet in Israel like Moses, whom the lord knew face to face. (Deut 34)

As in he was so great, they couldn’t possible compare anyone else to him. I can imagine that. I can think of people who are so unique that, honestly to compare others to them would be an insult. So we have the great prophet Moses, on chair 1.

Now, chair 2, we have Jesus.

17 “Then the lord said to me, ‘What they have said is right. 18 I will raise up a prophet like you from among their fellow Israelites. I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell the people everything I command him. (Deut 18)

From the above scripture, Jesus, is the one being referred to, right? A prophet like Moses (i.e. A mediator, a prophet, perform miraculous signs and wonders – He raised the dead on a number of occasions).

Now, chair 3, You/Me/Us!

12 “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. 13 You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. 14 Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it! (John 14)

We have the ability to do greater? Can i call it an ability? Choice? Blessing? Birth right? “Just”. As in should you believe in Jesus, you can do greater than what he did.

What? Let me say that again: WHAT?!!!

Jesus, succeeded Moses (can I say that? I am not sure if that is a theologically correct statement, but you know what I mean). Moses, the one no one could compare to. Then the Messiah came, he did even greater more miraculous works. Then those who believe in the Messiah will do greater?

What is greater than what Jesus did?

No seriously, I am having a difficult time figuring this out? Partly because to me it seems even blasphemous to comprehend.