Reading something twice induces a certain restlessness in my brain. An itching that keeps humming: but we have done this before, why are we here, move on, we need to move on. However, this was all changed by this post, I think I have read it more than once.
Okay… Maybe, I have read it more than 10 times and tweeted about it more than once. Go read it for yourself, you will see what I see (Present tense because I am probably going to go back and read it AGAIN after this).
There is a paragraph that ends with
… loving him is standing tall by his side and getting drenched in the downpour…
Sigh… Can you tell here this post is going?
There is a familiarity with which we tend to taint people who are in our lives for the hard times. The can-you-stand-the-rain people in our lives. There is no lure in the familiar. There is no mystery in the everyday. It’s downright mundane and boring.
They have become the invisible.
They are there, in the everyday of your tears. The cello-tape they used when they saw your heart shred is not as sticky as it once was. Nope. They are there but they are still very invisible. Tossed aside like chicken bones on Boxing Day (It should really be called left-overs day, no one uses boxes any more). Cast aside because the mending is semi complete.
Forgive me, but the reason I attempt to throw you away is because you have seen me. Not the one that these other people prefer to see behind their tinted glasses of perfection. You had to have seen me. You were there when shit hit the fan and sprayed itself all over me. You caught some of it on your face. Yet, before wiping it away – before cleaning myself up – you chose to hold me instead. Who does that? It was you who sat through all that.
Everyday, you kept coming back… Listening to my version of how life is effed up; How God must hate me; How I am innocent and clueless at the fact that my selfishness could have caused this epic emotional devastation all around me.
This is why I chose to shut you out, because I need you so much.
We all know the way the universe pulls, what I need – I do not want. So walk away from me and don’t look back, for you have become all to familiar to this forgetful ball of destruction that is about to detonate once again.
ps: all images sourced from google.