This was something that I wasn’t particularly looking forward to – my mother and sister however, who both lay claim to ambition, kept looking at me like I had lost a nerve. No, it’s not that I am
not ambitious… LOL! Okay, scratch that – I am really not ambitious. Yeah, there I said it. (Dang! I digress way too much!!). The truth of the matter is I was scared, I did not want to assume a new role when I was still learning the ropes of the one that I was currently in. And so between September 1st and October 8th, I walked dreading the impending doom that was certain to befall me.
My two week tenure started on the 9th of October, the year of our lord 2015 (wait, is that how they say it?). There I was slightly terrified of making a mistake and yet almost certain that I would. You know that feeling of inferiority? The one that wraps it self around you and gives off the allure of timidity. This is really why I do not like it when people say, “Bambi” in my direction – it is an almost assured affirmation that my inner deeply seated fears have risen to the surface. (Again! With the digressing!).
There are a couple of lessons that I have learned in these past two weeks – Lessons about myself that few other opportunities would have afforded me.
- I am that fierce lioness growling at any clueless predator that attempts to attack her playful sometimes-i-brought-it-on-to-myself cubs. You see, I was the gaurdian of the system, in my eyes the system could do no wrong. I mean, even a 500 error was not the systems fault. Therefore, any requests started with, “Ah! but the system…” – I had already gone Ban-Kai before the statement was finished.
- Human interaction is not a chore… There is popular consent among some of the masses that I am a bundle of loner genes so deeply concentrated that no form of interaction would ever be possible (LOL! Yes, one day I may let this one go). The truth is sometimes, when you hear something long enough you tend to believe it… Then if you add my other characteristics – developer, nocturnal, hardly ever speaks – ‘you are like this chic, Bambi‘. Well! The joke is on you buster… because, God proved us all wrong – just like the next person, I do enjoy human interaction and do not dread it, well… not too much. I discovered that speaking to people isn’t that hard once I found our “inner join“. Yes… NEERRRRDDD Alert… Haha!
- Once you make a mistake, you finally achieve the state of total freedom. You see, I made my first mistake after 24 hours in office. I was sweating and totally tearing myself down – then it turned out I was 2 steps away from the correct answer. After that I was gun shy for another 24 hours, wondering, if I do this I will most likely fail, what if this time I am 100 steps away from the answer? But you know, failing that first time – it really does free you to try again. So that is what happened.
- I absolutely enjoy taking on tasks I have no clue how to complete. Actually, this is one trait that I have learned about me since I took on this job. The complete thrill of looking at a task and thinking to myself, “Where on earth do I start with this?” My brain registering that there is nothing in it’s database that is going to help me accomplish this task. That initial feeling of helplessness. Then the switch. The determined drive – that infuses adrenaline to the rest of me. That inner voice that chants, “We can do this!”… Alas, 4 hours later one task is complete and we repeat the process for the next task.
I am certain, that the learning is not over. I am certain that wherever we go, wherever God allows our feet – our intellect – our dreams to lead us, there will be a whole mountain of things to learn. Walking into situations with an I-have-done-it-all attitude is a sure way to miss that other-thing-that-you-might-never-have-done-before.
In short, I am glad my tenure is over!!
** Image from Google Images