You know, the truth is there might me no such thing as starting over. In the human mind anyway. My human mind.
I have developed the uncanny ability to grudge up things from my past. Failures especially. I am good at that. I am the queen of that really.
When you read things like God remembers that no more – comprehending that is hard. Knowing it is harder and believing it is next to impossible.
The impossible. It is hard to believe in the impossible but I really wonder why?! Why should it be hard to dream. Because dreams can be broken. Stolen even. Never tell someone you dream. They will steal it. But what am I saying.
In ten days, I get to leave 28 behind. As a memory. A thing I do not remember anymore. I get a system reset and I start a new year. Technically, that should be when we dish out the happy new year cards…
I wore this Tee shirt today. I got it at some conference – about a company of people who want to make a difference in the lives of people who struggle with depression, self-harm and addiction. It has a quote from the founder about being the other person – one day being the ONE person who will make a difference for someone else.
Maybe it is selfish to wish that someone else would be your ONE person. No, not in a Disney romantic way – in a this life is hard kinda way. More than be your ONE, remain your one. Because we all know life moves on.
Anyway, I am wearing the shirt, I support the cause. I never did. I never understood. I would not associate myself with them. What do I know about pain enough to make you desperate enough to end your life. No. I do not know much about that pain.
Maybe that is why I am still here. In this place. Stuck.
10 days. We shall tell of a different story.